Well she is back. I’ve just been kissing her in the kitchen.
Earlier we hid in it’s darkness for 30 or 40 minutes. Like little kiddies in a secret cave, with the adults looming on the fringes. She is a fascinating bundle of conflicts, passion, and jitters. She flipped and squirmed around the kitchen like a fish out of water, or like a rope twisting and untwisting in spiralling motions.
She tells me she’s desired me for years, but now, when it comes to the crunch, she seems quite shocked that I am now within reach. I think she has probably just run away, or is perhaps just sitting in the lounge watching videos with my flatmates. I invited her to stay the night, but she is ‘flipping’ about that as well. The coin could land any way.
She just came in to say goodbye. We kiss. Then she kisses me again with a bit more passion, simply says “Sorry” and leaves. I feel OK about it though. Told her to call me sometime soon. She didn’t say anything back. Perhaps she’s fucked-off that I ignored her all these years. I always knew something was up, but I’m used to strange people. I think I assume too much.
I would have been perfectly happy just to hug and hold her. I guess the problem is that she wants me too much… I thought she’d left, but she suddenly returns. “I’m surprised at the sort of music you’re playing right now”, she said. “Well you’re mistaken if you think I only listen to dance music”, I reply. The taxi is here. She squirms for a second, then looks straight at me. “You’re a dangerous man”, she says, and promptly leaves.
Earlier (in the dimly lit kitchen), she tells me that for her it is so strange. She tells me she is married, and that her husband is in the UK. She tells things have changed over the years since she gate-crashed my birthday party in the Synagogue. All the while her advances oozed sexuality. I was the passive one. While I accepted her touch my attraction to her is pretty much based on my fascination of her extreme weirdness and mystique. It felt good kissing and holding her. I wonder if perhaps we’ll end ‘just friends’. Perhaps her decision not to stay tonight is all for the best.